Archive for July, 2013

I’m Done!

Posted: July 15, 2013 in Christianity

I’m done!  These two words should make all my naysayers jump for joy.  I’ve come across roadblock after roadblock in trying to continue on with what I’m doing and I’ve finally had enough.  I’m done with living at the shelter, unable to do any type of job search because I can’t get my phone back from my daughter; I’m done holding out hope that my sister will come to her senses and let me pick up a few things at her house such as my resume and other important documents (remember, she said I had to come and take everything or nothing); I’m done with all the haters in my family; I’m done with just “existing” at the shelter, waiting for 6 PM (supper) and 8PM (bed) all the while surrounded by men who swear, use disgusting language and make comments about women that make me sick to my stomach; I’m done with just about everything.  I just want to push the world away and just exist on my own.  I know the enemy has his hand in this, but I don’t really care right now, that’s how disgusted I am with almost everyone and almost everything. 

There have been two bright lights in my life these past few weeks, and those have been my friend Nancy from my church, and Pastor Jose, who takes time out of his day once or twice a week to offer this lonely soul some fellowship.  Of course, I still have my faith in the Lord, but I am having difficulty understanding exactly what He wants from me lately.  I don’t have the opportunity to be alone with Him as much as I used to, so my “alone time” with Him has suffered.

Just when I thought I couldn’t get beat down any more than I was, I went to the shelter to get my belonging and they told me that I had to come back at 3PM to retrieve them.  Yep, that’s life at the shelter… waiting.  Needless to say, I just told them to forget it and walked away.

So what’s up for me now that I’m done?  I don’t know.  I plan to be on the streets and just “exist” for a while.  I have no desire to do anything but just be alone with the Lord. 

And to think, there was a good job offer listed on the board at the library for an Administrative Assistant at our local Head Start program… a job I wanted to apply for until I found out that I’d have to wait yet another day to get my phone… that’s if my daughter wasn’t lying to me again.  Yep, that’s one of the things the enemy used to get me to this point.  She promised me she would bring my phone to me on Saturday at 9:15 AM.  By almost noon I was already sending her texts and fb messages asking her where she was.  She told me she was filling out a job application and had to make a couple of calls and then she’d drop the phone off to me.  I waited, skipping lunch so that I wouldn’t miss her, until 3PM when I had to make my way back to the shelter.  My heart was broken because I had hoped that my daughter was telling me the truth only to find out that she had no intention of bringing the phone to me that day. 

When I contacted her today about the phone and found out that she wanted to bring it to me tomorrow, something inside me died.  Was it hope?  It may have been.  Was it any miniscule amount of trust I still had left in her?  Probably.  Whatever it was, it made me throw my hands up and say, “I’m done.”

So, I’m mentally exhausted and taking a mental break for the next few hours, days, weeks or months… however long it takes.  I’m done and I don’t know when I’ll be ready to stand up again and take another step.  Right now, I want to sit down and just watch the world go by.  I have no desire or ambition to do anything other than walk away from the stress, the responsibility, and people’s expectations of me.  Pray for me, if I come to mind. 

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Come unto me, all [ye] that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. 29Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. 30For my yoke [is] easy, and my burden is light. Matthew 11:28-30

This portion of scripture is one of the staples of our Christian walk.  We quote it when describing marriages, friendships, business dealings, etc…  But there is a deeper meaning to this scripture than I had been taught.  Let’s look at this from a Jewish perspective. 

During Jesus’ ministry here on earth, a yoke was a Rabbi’s way of interpreting the Torah.  The way to find out what a Rabbi’s yoke was, was to ask hm what he thought was the most important commandment.

What was Jesus’ yoke?  Let’s see what His answer was when He was asked what the most important commandment was:

Master, which [is] the great commandment in the law? 37Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. 38This is the first and great commandment. 39And the second [is] like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself. 40On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets. Matthew 22:36-40

So what is Jesus’ yoke? Love God/ Love your neighbor.  If that’s the yoke, then what’s the burden we’re pulling along with us? The burden is keeping the word of God.

The yoke is used to make the burden lighter.  If the yoke is to love God and to love our neighbor, then love compels us to keep the word of God, making the burden of keeping God’s word easier, lighter, doesn’t it? 

Being unequally yoked is being unable to keep up with the other person you’re yoked to because of size or ability or because of walking in opposing directions.  If the yoke you’ve taken up causes you to walk beside someone other than Jesus, then you are automatically unequally yoked.

We can apply the yoke to different areas of our lives, like marriage, relationships, etc… but I believe the crux of this scripture is all about Jesus!  If we’re not yoked with Him then who or what are we yoked to?  Religion?  Self?  Poverty?  Stress?  Anger?  

We need to be yoked to Jesus.  He’ll never take us in a direction we shouldn’t be going in or move faster than we can bear.